


Abraxas Malfoy's Bad Day

by spearmintgreen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:30:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spearmintgreen/pseuds/spearmintgreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His wife had always said letting the Dark Lord live in their Manor was a bad idea, he should have listened to her sooner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abraxas Malfoy's Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> First, to anyone who might read this, I AM SO SORRY. I wrote this for a friend because his reactions are hilarious.  
> Second, I do not ship this. At all. Nor do I encourage any of you to ship it.  
> Finally, I wrote this for fun and I hope you can get some enjoyment/laughter out of it. Thanks for reading!

Abraxas Malfoy considered himself to be a dignified man. He walked with a slow, confident gait, he knew how to smile and nod at the right times, he was proficient in nonverbal casting, he was rich, and he was in the Dark Lord’s inner circle. 

He had seen a lot in his time. His years at Hogwarts with the young Dark Lord left him feeling like nothing could surprise him. There were no creatures, spells, or potions that existed or could be created that would cause so much as a raise of Abraxas’ pale eyebrows. Unfortunately for Abraxas, this feeling of being unflappable was about to run out. 

He had been walking down the halls casually, probably going to retrieve something that couldn’t be entrusted to a house elf to bring, when he heard it. It wasn’t loud, just a hint of a moan escaped from the closed door on Abraxas’ left. Abraxas stopped cold. The Dark Lord had taken up residence at Malfoy Manor a month ago, and so strange noises emanating from his room weren’t unusual, but Abraxas had never dreamed he would hear that type of noise coming from his Lord’s room. 

Still frozen in place, Abraxas faintly leaned closer to the dark wood of the door. He closed his eyes and listened, hoping beyond hope that he had somehow misheard so the sick feeling in his stomach would ebb. Just the opposite was true when he realized that his first assumption was right. The Dark Lord was doing it in there. Vaguely, Abraxas registered that this was not, in fact, the Dark Lord's room, but his mother’s guest bedroom, and made a mental note to have the house elves clean it later. 

Only just now able to move again, Abraxas started to walk away. It would be better for him in the long run if he just pretended he had never heard anything. Ignorance truly was bliss. The moaning got fainter and Abraxas began to breath easier the farther away he got from the offending sound. 

Without warning, a high pitched noise between a moan and a scream came through the door. Abraxas had been just about to turn the corner and get away, but it just wasn’t to be. When Abraxas realized that that sound meant there was someone else in there doing it with the Dark Lord he nearly fainted. Instead, he slumped on the floor in a decidedly undignified manner. He felt like throwing up, but he happened to be sitting on a very expensive rug that he happened to like, so he refrained himself, although just barely. 

A minute passed in dead silence, and in that time Abraxas began to wonder if perhaps he had imagined the whole thing. Maybe this was just some terrible nightmare that he would wake up from if he pinched himself hard enough. He shakily pinched his arm a few times to no avail. This was real. This was very, horribly, nauseatingly real. He pinched himself again a few times, just in case, but again nothing happened. 

Another moan/scream issued from the door down the hall, and Abraxas wondered just who was in there with the Dark Lord. There were no other guests in the house, and no one could get through the wards. He knew that voice did not belong to his wife, Hera, so that left… no one. There was no one else. 

Unless…

No! He dare not even think such a thing! But even as he tried to smother the repulsive mental image the thought had conjured, he knew it was correct. The Dark Lord was doing it with a house elf. It was at this moment that Abraxas realized all the rest of his dignity was gone. The disgrace Abraxas felt seemed to radiate off him in waves and he banged his head against the wall behind him, whether to distract himself from the images still haunting his brain or to cause himself an early death to get away from this devastating reality he was in, he didn’t know.

Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, the door down the hall opened and out stepped none other than Dobby, the new house elf. Abraxas closed his eyes and pretended that he hadn’t just seen the wide eyed creature emerge from the Dark Lord’s room (not technically the Dark Lord’s room, but still) flushed, panting, and disheveled. In his mind, Abraxas was screaming endlessly. 

“Dobby thanks you, sir,” the high voice, assumedly Dobby’s, said, “for all the things you have taught Dobby today.” This was not happening. He couldn’t bear to hear his esteemed Dark Lord exchange an affectionate goodbye with a bloody house elf. Trying to be as stealthy as possible, Abraxas began to crawl slowly away in what he hoped was the direction of the corner of the hall and his freedom. 

“Begone with you now,” a second voice, as smooth as silk, the Dark Lord’s voice, commanded. “And remember,” now the Dark Lord’s voice took on a seductive purr that made Abraxas want to hide in a hole and die, “I don’t need to cast Accio to make you come.” Abraxas thought he might cry. This had to be the worst day of his entire life. He was making progress, but sadly, he could still hear them perfectly and hadn’t yet made it around the corner the whole way.

Dobby’s reply was soft and slightly flirtatious. “You don’t need lumos to turn Dobby on.” Abraxas still had his eyes closed, and he was very greatful for that fact when he heard a loud smacking noise, like that of a kiss being placed on the top of a head (at least, that was the least traumatic place for Abraxas to imagine the kiss to be.) 

Only when he heard a soft crack announcing the departure of the house elf did he feel safe to open his eyes. He blinked and then cautiously looked around. Seeing no one, he made a break for it and sprinted all the way downstairs, through the dining room, and outside. He didn’t stop running for a very long time, and when he finally became to exhausted to run any further he collapsed and waited to catch his breath, then screamed at the top of his lungs for nearly half an hour. 

All the while, Lord Voldemort sat in Abraxas’ mother’s room in Malfoy Manor smirking to himself.

 

The End.


End file.
